The Fear of Failure: How to Stop Letting It Hold You Back
- Ela Ziembicki
- Feb 14
- 6 min read
The Silent Dream Killer
I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve failed. I’ve started projects, businesses, and big dreams only to abandon them when things got too hard, too messy, or, honestly, just too boring. I’ve felt like a failure in business, in relationships, and even as a mother.
My divorce? That felt like the ultimate failure. My business ventures? I’ve had wins, but I’ve also had moments where I questioned everything. And motherhood, oh, let’s talk about those days when I felt like I wasn’t getting it right. The ones where I doubted myself, wondering if I was doing enough or if the person who was making narratives about me were actually true.
If any of this sounds familiar, trust me, you’re not alone. The fear of failure is one of the biggest reasons women hesitate to take action. We overthink, we second-guess, and sometimes, we let the fear keep us stuck.
A study found that women are 30% more likely than men to fear failure when taking on new challenges (KPMG Women’s Leadership Study). Why? Because we’ve been conditioned to believe that if we fail, it means we weren’t good enough. That we weren’t “ready” or “qualified” or “worthy.” But here’s the truth, failure isn’t the opposite of success. It’s part of it.
We will dive into why women experience fear of failure more than men, how to reframe failure as growth, and, most importantly, how to push past it so you can finally take the bold actions your future self will thank you for.
Why Women Experience Fear of Failure More Than Men
Stat: Women are 30% more likely than men to fear failure when taking on new challenges (KPMG Women’s Leadership Study).
Women have been following an unspoken rulebook their entire lives. One that subtly rewards perfection and punishes risk. Growing up, we were praised for being “good,” “polite,” and “responsible.” Meanwhile, boys were encouraged to take chances, be adventurous, and shake things up. So by the time we reach adulthood, failure doesn’t just feel like a setback, it feels like a spotlight exposing us as incapable.
The “Good Girl” Conditioning
Most of us grew up believing that being liked and approved of was the goal. We were encouraged to be well-behaved, responsible, and to always think about how our actions might affect others. We learned that stepping outside the norm, taking risks, speaking up, or doing something unpredictable, could result in judgment or rejection.
And that’s exactly why so many of us hesitate when it’s time to take bold action. Starting a business? Asking for a raise? Walking away from something that isn’t working? That’s not just about fear of failure, it’s about fear of disappointing others or stepping outside of what’s expected.
Imposter Syndrome and Perceived Incompetence
Stat: Nearly 75% of executive women say they’ve experienced imposter syndrome at some point in their careers.
Let’s talk about that nagging voice in our heads that whispers, Who do you think you are? Imposter syndrome convinces us that we don’t belong in the spaces we’ve worked so hard to be in. It tells us that if we fail, it’s because we were never good enough in the first place.
And here’s the real kicker, imposter syndrome is most common among the most accomplished, hardworking, and capable women. Yep, the ones out there crushing it are the same ones who constantly worry they’re not measuring up.
Have you ever held back from applying for a job, launching a business, or speaking up in a meeting because you felt like you didn’t belong? That’s imposter syndrome in action. And it thrives in environments where women feel like they have to prove themselves twice as much just to be seen as equal.
The Pressure to Be Perfect
Stat: Women tend to avoid action unless they feel 100% ready, while men are more likely to dive in at 60% readiness (Hewlett-Packard Report).
Women are experts at waiting. Waiting until we’ve gathered every piece of knowledge, taken every course, and checked every box before we make a move. Meanwhile, men are out there winging it, figuring it out as they go, and landing opportunities simply because they went for it.
How many times have you stopped yourself from applying for something because you didn’t meet every single qualification? How many times have you convinced yourself that it wasn’t the right time to start? That perfectionism isn’t protecting you, it’s keeping you stuck.
💡 Key Takeway: Women often hesitate to take big steps because we’ve been conditioned to believe failure means we weren’t good enough. The truth? The most successful women aren’t the ones who never fail. They’re the ones who fail, learn, and keep going.
How to Reframe Failure as Growth
🔥 Mindset Shift: Failure Is Not the Opposite of Success, It Is Part of It.
Some of the most successful women in history failed before they made it:
Oprah Winfrey was fired from her first television job and told she was not fit for TV. Now she is one of the most influential women in the world.
J.K. Rowling was rejected twelve times before she finally published Harry Potter. Today, she is one of the best-selling authors in history.
Sara Blakely, the founder of Spanx, grew up with a father who asked her, “What did you fail at this week?” because he wanted her to see failure as part of growth, not something to be ashamed of.
Reframing Techniques
✔ Failure is learning: Instead of saying, “I failed,” say, “I learned __.” ✔ Failure is redirection: Every closed door is guiding you toward something better. ✔ Failure is proof of courage: If you are failing, it means you are stepping outside your comfort zone, which is the only way to grow.
💡 Key Takeaway: The most successful people are not the ones who never fail. They are the ones who fail, learn, and keep going.
Actionable Strategies to Move Through Fear and Take Bold Action
1. Identify Your Specific Fear
Ask yourself: What exactly am I afraid will happen?
Most of the time, the worst-case scenario is nowhere near as bad as we make it out to be.
Write it down and challenge it. If you fail, what is the absolute worst that will happen? Now flip it—what is the best that could happen?
2. Normalize Rejection and Setbacks
Stat: Entrepreneurs who fail in their first venture are actually more likely to succeed in their next one (Harvard Business Review).
Every rejection is a step closer to success. Use each setback as fuel to improve, not as proof that you are not good enough.
Challenge yourself to take one action this week that invites possible rejection. The more you expose yourself to it, the less power it holds over you.
3. Create a ‘Failure Resume’
Instead of listing only your achievements, write down your failures and the lessons you learned from them.
This detaches failure from your identity and reframes it as progress.
4. Adopt the ‘Experiment’ Mindset
Stop treating every move like it is life or death. Instead, approach new opportunities as experiments.
Pick one thing you have been avoiding and take one small step toward it this week.
5. Surround Yourself with Risk-Takers
Fear is contagious, but so is courage.
Find a community of women who take action, support each other, and embrace growth. (Hint: Level Up Ladies!) 😉
💡 Key Takeaway: The only way to overcome fear is by doing the thing you are afraid of, one step at a time. The more you take action, the more fearless you become.
It Is Time to Take That Leap
Fear of failure is normal, but letting it keep you stuck is a bigger risk. The real failure is never trying at all.
🔥 Challenge: What is one bold action you can take today, even if it is messy? Drop a comment and let me know. Let’s work through it together!
🎯 It's Time to Level Up Ladies! If this resonated with you, share it with another woman who needs to hear it. And if you are ready to stop letting fear hold you back, join my Level Up Ladies community where we take bold action together! 🚀
Comments